WE SIT WITH OUR GRIEF,

WE MOTHER IT

The passing of my sister brought me on an emotional journey through grief, especially within the familiar spaces of domestic life. Grief feels like a black ball lodged in my chest, arriving without warning, and pressing down heavily. In her poem “Taking Care”, Callista Buchen opens with words that resonate deeply: “I sit with my grief. I mother it.” I feel these lines capture my experience of grief as if I am caring for a crying baby, one I must tend to, even when it feels exhausting.

In this work, I apply a relational and dialogical approach, where the art experience is built through crocheting interactions and shared stories. Crocheting, often associated with domestic life and women’s work, became a medium for me and several women participants to connect and exchange personal stories of family loss, one-on-one. We spoke as two mothers might, sharing experiences of nurturing our “babies”, but here, our “baby” was grief.

Organza ribbon, a material often used in celebratory moments, serves as our crochet medium. The ribbon’s unending crochet symbolizes an ongoing pursuit of joy, sustained through life’s remaining years. Some sections of the crochet are hardened and yellow, representing cherished memories with those who have passed, now frozen in time. The black, hair-covered ball rests beside this ribbon crochet, symbolizing how grief and joy can coexist. Hair holds connections to memory and personal identity, especially family. Tactilely, it’s also the last part of my sister I touched, as I washed her body before the buriaL.

In the emotional journey of creating this work, I’ve found no wisdom in grief, only acceptance. This grief reminds me it’s a collective experience, felt, and to be felt, by many. Through this piece, I aim to create an honest space for listening and being heard in the face of loss, something awkward to discuss but too heavy to carry alone. Visitors can join in crocheting the ribbon on the table. This crocheting serves as a symbolic gesture, encouraging reflections on life’s fleeting time, joy, and intertwined hope.